For all you Disney aficionados out there, yes I did just quote the Genie from Aladdin. Perhaps it's because I know live with one of the Aladdin's from Disneyland's interactive stage shows, but I would rather think it has to do with the current theme of my life. As you all know I have been on the agent hunt, trying to find the right team to really go after this pursuit of being an actor in Hollywood. What I am learning is that no matter how hard I try to make someone see me a certain way, the only thing I can really do is present my honest self and that has to be enough.
I think the mind shift started just before Christmas while working with Ivana Chubbuck on a scene from THE INVENTION OF LYING. For the first time my work seemed to be awkward and out of place and I immediately knew why. I should give Ivana credit here as well for being so good at what she does that I was merely two beats into the scene and she stopped us because she knew we were off. In order to understand why we were off, let me explain how I got to this awkward place in my work. I may, or may not have brought up my virginity on this post before, and it may seem indulgent, or praise-seeking now- which is not my intention- but you need to know that my choice of abstinence has been an integral part in both my growth as a man, and as an actor. Ivana, as well as numerous other actor friends learned of this 'secret' about a year ago, and although everyone has their own opinions on the matter, most were supportive. However, with the information out there, I became suspect to intrigue and those opinions. Thus leading me to think I am missing out on something, and would it really matter if I just went and lost it. Some would even argue that I will never reach my full potential as an actor until I've had that experience.
Now, as an actor, I am constantly aware of my emotions, my needs, my insecurities, my strengths, my weaknesses, and so the chorus of voices that started to tempt me into all forms of sex, including a threesome for all you kinky readers out there, almost became unbearable. To some degree, I felt like I was loosing who I was. And good old Ivana came through just in the nick of time, by interrupting my scene partner and I with her wise words, echoing through the sound system of the studio. I didn't even have to say that I was trying an objective that I never use because she already knew I had chosen to play 'to get you to have sex with me.' To begin with, this objective was never going to get me to earn the right to get to the end of the movie, but for some reason the aforementioned 'tempting' chorus led me to believe it was a good idea. As Ivana so kindly put, 'Now if you were a player, I'd understand why you'd choose that, but you're not, and so that will never be an objective you can implore at this point.' She then gave me the nugget of truth that I needed to hear and that was to BE MYSELF. Casting offices, agents, managers aren't looking for actors who are trying to be something they are not. They are looking for actors who bring themselves to the roles and are comfortable with it.
As I sat there in front of a room full of actor-friends, fellow students, and strangers, the light bulb above my head must have shown brighter than the lights on my face. What happened next was incredibly humbling, and all the while encouraging. Ivana compared me, and my work, to that of a young Tom Hanks, in that we both are men of strong moral backbone and that is where are strengths lie. That's all it took. That's it. I recognized that my unique strengths set me apart and I need to embrace them in every aspect of my work.
Although it can be frustrating waiting for the time, my acting desires meld with the right representation, I have to believe in me and what I do. I have to believe that the right team is out there- and that right team will understand who I am clearly because I have totally embraced everything that makes me-me.
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