The Butterfly Effect

Holy Freaking Cow! That is all I can really say right now. I just had butterflies in my stomach for the first time since I can even remember. They practically blind-sided me because when I woke this morning, I had no intention, or knowledge, of running into an old friend from college. The phone call came from out of the blue, the coincidences that brought our paths to a crossroads came from out of the blue, the connections that were made in mutual friends were out of the blue. The whole night just stood me right in the face from out of the blue. Here I am thinking that I am going to have to try really hard to find some really awesome girl that the Lord wants for me, and I may already have a prime prospect that knows the truest parts of me. Now, I am not saying that this one interaction is leading me down the aisle, but life does have a funny way of opening up new doors, that were once thought to be closed. The best part is is that I wasn't even looking to have these butterflies until after the New Year when I could control the circumstances that caused the fluttering. I had no control over this day and the fact that I have to wake in four hours to go to work and I still felt the need to enscribe my thoughts now means that something beyond me has overtaken my whole self. For anyone reading this, please don't take this to mean, "Oh, he must be in love." But rather, take it as a reminder that the start of any pursuit follows no format, and no rules. True romance is rooted in spontaneity and I am willling to follow wherever that spontaneity leads me, be it down this path from tonight, or one yet to be revealed.

In any case, I am thankful to have someone like this in my life- someone that I can truly say is an Amazing Woman, even if she may, or may not be the one set out for me. I can only hope that if she is not, then the one who is will have even just one half of the greatness that this one does.

Sweet Reminders

The past couple weeks have proven to be a positive testament to why it is that I wanted to come out to California in the first place. Sure, it may seem like a lofty pursuit to some, but the acting opportunities I have had recently have reminded me that this is truly what I want to be doing. Even last night, as I sat in the audience of a screening for George Clooney's, Michael Clayton, at the Academy ot Television Arts and Sciences, this overwhelming sensation of me seeing myself on stage answering the Q and A's came upon me. It is a career that is so rewarding because you truly get to do exactly what it is you want to do. As an actor, I get to be a storyteller. In the process, I get to do some pretty amazing things. Just two weeks ago, I was a middle-aged German Professor (pix to L) in a production of Little Women in North Hollywood and found myself revived by the excitement of live theatre. I am ready to do more and am working it out with my current job to be more available for those pursuits. Clooney said it best last night when he mentioned that artists are willing to work for whatever the pay, even if it is free, because they are dedicated to the process. I believe that to be true in that the feeling I have from doing the play, as well as, the short film this past weekend, is strong enough to supercede the fact that I didn't get paid for either. The short film entitled, Texas Girl, brought another sweet reminder as I was in Taft, CA- i.e. the middle of nowhere- shooting this AFI film with a Director from Korea, a Cinematographer from Germany, an Editor from New York, actors from Colorado, and a Producer from New Orleans. That reminder was 'This is exactly what I want to be doing. I want to be shooting films. I want to be on location meeting amazing artists who are dedicated to touching the human soul through the artistry of film." Even today, as I sit and type this, I am preparing to go to a callback for an MSN internet commercial and growing ever-excited about the possibilities that it may bring.

CLOSING THOUGHT-

Let us hold tight to the sweet reminders of what our heart's truest desires are and use them to carry us through the tough moments leading up to the career of our dreams.

Throw me a Bone

Due to the fact that this industry plays the worst mind games on your self-confidence, I often find myself before the Lord asking Him to either confirm this path I am on with some progress, or give me another desire. I feel like a begger asking the Lord to throw me a bone to chew on to tide me over until the big break comes. Well, two weeks ago I had one of these moments on the way home from work. What I love about the Lord is that He wants us to be honest with him all the time, even if that means that we sometimes have to express our anger towards God. During this drive home, I pretty much laid it all out there and begged God to either show me some progress, or take me away from here. God must have been laughing the whole time because no sooner had the words exited my mouth when the confirmations started pouring in. Two National Commercial Auditions, followed by TWO Callbacks and ONE Avail, THREE short film auditions, ONE booking, and the verdict still out on ONE, and ONE general meeting about a TV SPEC Comedy pilot. Oh, and not to mention the fact, that I was contacted out of the blue by an old contact requesting my reel and headshot for a new project with Jack Black in Louisiana. I think I get the picture, God. As my Dad pointed out yesterday, "God is faithful to throw you the bone. I wonder what would happen if you asked God for the meat as well." Only time will tell, but the Lord has been faithful thus far, and He has confirmed my existence in Los Angeles once again. So, I stay, and work with tenacity towards the goal that lies ahead.

No Longer the Cookie-Cutter Christian

If you would have told me ten years ago, that I would one day move to Los Angeles and pursue a career in Hollywood, I probably would have laughed in your face. But here I sit, in Studio City, no more than 10 minutes from the world's leading definer of culture-Hollywood. I have found God to be quite the comedian in this journey. He is always faithful to have the answer when I feel like I am roadblocked and I am confident that He takes great joy in watching me releasing the control over my life to Him. If I moved to California if for no other reason than to learn about my need for dependence on the Lord, then He has surely been successful. The most exciting thing about this whole journey is the great unknown that lies before me. Everyday I wake up, there are thousands of unpredictable possibilities that could unfold. For this normally regimented perfectionist, the spontaneity of the Acting career has really become euphoric. Of course, I'd be lying if I said that there were no disappointments, but what I have found is that the Lord has only made me stronger through the disappointments. Furthermore, when I realize that this path is not actually about me, I begin to see the days events through the eyes of our Heavenly Creator. I quit seeing a flubbed audition as a flubbed audition, but rather, an opportunity to touch the life of a fellow actor in the waiting room, or the casting assistant running the session, or even the coffee barista who gave me my morning energy boost before the big audition.

I may never be a household name; I may never grace the screen at your local cineplex; I may never even book another part; and that is okay with me. When we are walking in the will of the Lord, all of the earth's "success's" become trivial. I can say with confidence that if the Lord called me to leave here tomorrow, it would be okay. I could leave knowing full well that I have impacted the lives of countless people in this city just by my presence. I say this, even though I know the Lord is not through with me here yet.

For you reading this, I hope that you will take this next realization and apply it in your own life. My biggest discovery about faith in Los Angeles is that people want to see and know real people. They don't want to only meet the Sunday morning Bible-beater. They want to meet the person that is going to love them inspite of their wrongdoing. They want to befriend someone who will not judge them. They want someone to love them unselfishly. If we, as believers, every want to hope to be authentic Christians, than we must stop living in the our comfort zone, and go out and meet people where they are at. After all, Christ didn't only fellowship with the priests and the cookie-cutter Christians, he reached out to the drunkards, the prostitutes, the profane, the homosexual, the corrupt, the deceitful, the druggies, the addicts, the liars, the adulterers, the cheaters, the promiscuous, the atheists...I think you are starting to get the point.

We are not God, nor will we ever be God. We, therefore, have no right to judge the sin in the lives of those around us. We are called to love the unlovable. So, I close today saying, "Go out and love- If we don't, who will?