THE NIKE COMMERCIAL THAT WASN"T

So the day finally came. I finally got the big call for a National Commercial spot. This time the product was NIKE and the spot involved Lebron James and infamous Director Mark Romanek. I don't even think I realized how big of a deal this was until I received the call sheet and discovered just how elaborate a gig this would be. I mean, on paper, I had every right to be ecstatic. The celebrity personnel, the magnitude of this shoot, the fact that the usage for this spot invovles every component- network, cable, internet, foreign, industrial, behind the scenes- everything. There would be an enormous money making opportunity here. All these elements ran through my mind as I drove down to the LA sports arena for work at 5am on Monday. Upon arrival, I quickly learned from a fellow actor, that the only way to make residuals off this spot is to have your face in the final cut for at least half a second. I wasn't too worried about it because our audition bit ran about 5 seconds and was a nice tag to the end of the commercial. As the shoot commenced, I discovered that there was no guarantee for any of us that we would make the final cut. However, I feared not because I thought our bit was a vital part to book end the commercial. In addition, the Director, Mark Romanek, seemed to really be on our side to get our bit in. I decided to be a total teamplayer and make myself as available as possible for the director. I would have finally had my moment had there not been a discrepancy about one of the shots on day two that delayed everything by two hours. The result of this delay landed a few of the final shots on the gym floor with no hope of making the spot. In any case, I left with the knowledge of having a great working relationship with an amazing director and will now do everything in my power to work with him again in the future.

Let us be more undignified than this...

Hollywood can be a truly taxing existence. The heaviness of the city can weigh on your heart like a two-ton brick forcing your mental state into one of complete doubt of everything you have ever known to be true. There is a fine line that has been drawn out in regards to compromise and change for the Christian man to walk in this city. My truest nature longs to be a part of this medium that translates, dictates, and creates cultural norms while at the same time striving to be different, change, and rebrand what is the cultural norm. As I sat in Bible study last night- yes ladies and gentlemen, Bible studies do exist out here-I felt the conviction of the Lord to remember that in order for the cultural norm to truly be changed, it is going to take someone to rise up and go against the flow, to look like a fool before the norms that are in practice now, and be a man of conviction. I don't have to accept the standard that has been founded out here. I can help revolutionize the standard by sticking to what I know to be true. Time and time again in scripture, the Lord uses the few, the unlikely, the underqualified, the weak, to defeat, to drown out, and to overcome the strong, the powerful, the cultural norm. The enemy delights in infesting our minds with doubt about what we can, and can't do. He takes pure joy in holding us back from being used by our Creator for plans that supercede our own beliefs of possibility. When we sit back and look at our lives, we all have countless opportunities to be bold with our beliefs, but the enemy likes to silence us because he knows that the truth appeals to the heart of all man.

It has been especially interesting to explore the heart of man in my acting class, as I have been faced with challenge, after challenge in portraying characters in various states of existence. Through this study, I have learned that at the core of all our needs, there is a need for something greater than this earth can offer. This desire can only be satisfied in the empowerment of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Whether it is feeling powerless in a scene from A Perfect Murder, or the need to be loved in Waitress, our day-to-day lives our filled with needs that we seek absolution on from the physical embodiments of the people around us. All of our needs and cares can be supplied for through the Lord, but we seek them out from those around us because there are more tangible results, or so we think.

If we truly want to find satisfaction in our lives, in our careers, in our relationships, we must first find our satisfaction in the author of all things. We must find ourselves standing before the Lord, bare and naked, without masks or walls, admitting our true natures, laying more undignified than this....

In return, the Lord uses us in ways beyond our wildest imaginations.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS

Little did I know that just two hours outside of one of the largest cities in the world, I would be able to find such retreat as I did at Big Bear Mountain over President's day weekend. There were 11 of us in all and we all needed a break. We all needed to recharge our batteries. We all needed to be reminded of the fact that there is more to life than frantically running around to auditions and trying to make a name for ourselves in our respective disciplines of the Entertainment Industry. What better way to retreat than to go with the BROTHERS AND SISTERS that make up our Los Angeles family. Life is hard enough as it is, so it is far more bearable when you have people to share life with. It is the community that we all long for at our core. We want to feel like we are not alone in the fight. The eleven of us- Ben and Tracy Grayson, Emily Moss, CC Ford, Dairek Morgan, Emily Rose, John Naclerio, Anton Seim, Greg and Jesse Wilson, and myself took that fight to the mountain and we came out revitalized.

I believe the Lord calls us to enjoy life together and to rely on each other for accountability. These people in my life have been there through all the ups and downs and have seen the best and worst sides of me- Most importantly, they still accept me. We may not be the smartest people in the world, nor the most successful, but what we do have super cedes any earthly satisfaction. What we have is almost palpable to the world around us. There is a thread of genuine love that ties us all together. It is apparent in the way we crash and burn while learning to snowboard and when we shred Black Diamonds by the end of Day 2. It is apparent in how we watch out for each other's best interest. It is apparent when we are willing to endure the cold, forsaking the end of an important conversation about life and what really matters. It can be seen in how we laugh together and how we cry together. It is a beautiful tapestry.

We each go in a million different directions during our week, but when we are together, we are here. We are present. We do not mess around. We invest. For me, this is the key to survival in Hollywood. You have to have the community around you that will take you out of your 'go-home' days, and will celebrate with you on your victory days.

On this trip, a personal goal of learning how to snowboard, thanks to the help of Dairek, Emily, Ben, Tracy, and John. I fear that the days of skis are to be no more because I have found new joy on a single board.

Final Thought- Do not be afraid to invest in the lives of those around you, you may be surprised at how quick the Lord is to surround you with BROTHERS AND SISTERS to share life with.

Hope 'Behind the Mask'

2008 is the year where I must take the drastic measures to aid the complete transition into the life of a working actor. The year started off with a solid reassurance of why I moved to Los Angeles in the first place as I had an amazing opportunity to participate in another AFI film, BEHIND THE MASK (The Nixon Story). As you can see from the dapper image to the right, I fill out the 1974 portrait of Edward Cox and wife, Tricia Nixon Cox with the air of 'American Royalty' that was attributed to this offspring of Richard himself.

The story follows the family dynamic of the Nixon clan during the Thanksgiving dinner post-Impeachment. As son-in-law, Edward Cox, I had the great pleasure of playing the voice of dissent, the one non-Nixon, who was unafraid to address the big 'elephant' in the room that no one wanted to talk about. After all, Nixon's impeachment had a negative effect on my career as well in that I was forever associated with His administration.

Director Benjamin Mattingly did an amazing job of casting each of the very different roles, as well as finding near matches in appearance. He, furthermore, worked diligently to pull the kind of performances from each of us that were necessary to create the arc of Nixon's ultimate apology to the family. During the shooting of this film, I remembered why it was that I wanted to do this in the first place. The adrenaline that pumped through my veins during each day of the shoot was so strong that it is undeniable that I am on the right pursuit. I quickly realized the benefit of all the training that I have been going through during the first three years here in LA. As soon as I slipped on the tight, 1970s business suit, and tied the sharp, lavender tie around my neck, I slipped into the era and the mindset of Edward Cox, making it extremely easy to maneuver around the set. I felt like I proved myself as an actor to everyone on day one, while shooting the close-ups for scene 3. We were on a time crunch and needed to pick up the pace, and so I did everything in my power to give them what they wanted in the fewest amount of takes as possible. The only time in my life that I felt more alive than I did that day was standing on Inspiration Point over-looking Jenny Lake in Wyoming.

The entire crew jumped on board with me as an actor from that moment on and I felt great about the dynamic I brought to the film. In fact, Ben told me at the wrap party that it was decided that I got the Oscar for Breakthrough performance on this shoot because I exceeded their expectations. That is always a nice way to leave a relationship with a film project. It also served as a great encouragement to continue in this pursuit in Los Angeles. I have tasted the sweet goodness of film making once again and I fear that I am quickly growing an addictive personality, wanting more opportunities like this one to quench my thirst.

Before I sign off today, I have to give credit where credit is due and so that my fellow actors greatly affected my performance in that they gave me tons to work with. I want to say a special thanks to my wife, played by Angela Dezeen, and Nixon himself, portrayed by Charles Howerton for helping me have the time of my life. And for Charles, I also want to thank Charles for encouraging me to trust my instincts because they are good ones. You'll never know how important it was to hear that.

All in all, the three day shoot provided tons of hope for what may lie ahead and I eagerly await the opportunities to work with these people again- Ben Mattingly, Kip Pastor, Elizabeth Hannah, Jessica Freeborn, Rick Diaz, Tal Lazar, Zach Tabacco, Dylan Matlock, Shannon Dollison, Liz Schroeder, Melissa Krystofiak, Jhil McEntyre, Charles Howerton, Angela Dezeen, Mike McGill, Meredith Kibbee, Paul Bond, Courtney Walker, and Susan Hanfield.

The Wellspring of Truth in the Desert

Empty. Dark. Dry. Barren. Scorching. Scary. THE DESERT. The wide open blankness of the desert can be a terrifying place to find yourself in, especially when you thought you were swimming comfortably in the lap pool of God's house. As time passed from 2007 to 2008, I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself. Then, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, barely recognizing myself for what I have now deemed as my time in the desert.

It all started from an unlikely source, just as it always does. This time, the venue was the Ivanna Chubbuck Studio on Melrose, and the instigator was my amazing acting coach, Rebecca Kitt. Part of what makes the Chubbuck Technique work so well is being willing to look at every area of your life, including the ugliest closets you have kept closed. In working with Rebecca, I allowed myself to really examine the struggles in my life at their root in order to see where they come from. Little did I know that this self-evaluation would truly lead me into the desert, and face the enemy head on.

Just as Jesus was tempted by the Devil when he was wandering in the desert, I found myself listening to the enticing persuasion of the Great Serpent. My mind was at a place of possibly justifying my own personal rebellion and I found myself at a Crossroads in the desert. I could either choose to listen to the counsel of those who are meandering through the desert with no direction, or trust in the counsel of those guided by our Heavenly Father. The beautiful thing about this whole desert experience is that I feel like I am entering my fourth year in Hollywood stronger than the first three. Furthermore, as a believer, I see now that it is okay to struggle. It is okay to wrestle with God. It is okay to ask the tough questions; to look at my life and see why it is I do what I do.

Through a series of "Holy" coincidences, I found myself reading a book on the flight back to Los Angeles entitled, WRESTLING WITH GOD. It was through this book that I really discovered the promise that is found in the struggle. Here are a couple of key passages that stuck out:

"So, the people who are battling their demons or Shadows aren't the ones who make Jesus angry; rather, Jesus is angry with the people who don't acknowledge that they also have the same battle....Religious people who see their own separation from "sinners" make Him furious...To refuse to admit that you have anything to struggle with is evil."

"Jesus had fought with His own Enemy. Jesus had been to the desert. He had looked deep at the things that could keep Him from being who He needed to be."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That is it. I cannot be discouraged by what I discovered about myself in the desert. By looking at even the ugliest parts of who I am, I have seen what it is that could keep me from being who I need to be in Christ.

Remember- When you are in the desert, there is bound to be a wellspring of truth on the other side.