Hope 'Behind the Mask'

2008 is the year where I must take the drastic measures to aid the complete transition into the life of a working actor. The year started off with a solid reassurance of why I moved to Los Angeles in the first place as I had an amazing opportunity to participate in another AFI film, BEHIND THE MASK (The Nixon Story). As you can see from the dapper image to the right, I fill out the 1974 portrait of Edward Cox and wife, Tricia Nixon Cox with the air of 'American Royalty' that was attributed to this offspring of Richard himself.

The story follows the family dynamic of the Nixon clan during the Thanksgiving dinner post-Impeachment. As son-in-law, Edward Cox, I had the great pleasure of playing the voice of dissent, the one non-Nixon, who was unafraid to address the big 'elephant' in the room that no one wanted to talk about. After all, Nixon's impeachment had a negative effect on my career as well in that I was forever associated with His administration.

Director Benjamin Mattingly did an amazing job of casting each of the very different roles, as well as finding near matches in appearance. He, furthermore, worked diligently to pull the kind of performances from each of us that were necessary to create the arc of Nixon's ultimate apology to the family. During the shooting of this film, I remembered why it was that I wanted to do this in the first place. The adrenaline that pumped through my veins during each day of the shoot was so strong that it is undeniable that I am on the right pursuit. I quickly realized the benefit of all the training that I have been going through during the first three years here in LA. As soon as I slipped on the tight, 1970s business suit, and tied the sharp, lavender tie around my neck, I slipped into the era and the mindset of Edward Cox, making it extremely easy to maneuver around the set. I felt like I proved myself as an actor to everyone on day one, while shooting the close-ups for scene 3. We were on a time crunch and needed to pick up the pace, and so I did everything in my power to give them what they wanted in the fewest amount of takes as possible. The only time in my life that I felt more alive than I did that day was standing on Inspiration Point over-looking Jenny Lake in Wyoming.

The entire crew jumped on board with me as an actor from that moment on and I felt great about the dynamic I brought to the film. In fact, Ben told me at the wrap party that it was decided that I got the Oscar for Breakthrough performance on this shoot because I exceeded their expectations. That is always a nice way to leave a relationship with a film project. It also served as a great encouragement to continue in this pursuit in Los Angeles. I have tasted the sweet goodness of film making once again and I fear that I am quickly growing an addictive personality, wanting more opportunities like this one to quench my thirst.

Before I sign off today, I have to give credit where credit is due and so that my fellow actors greatly affected my performance in that they gave me tons to work with. I want to say a special thanks to my wife, played by Angela Dezeen, and Nixon himself, portrayed by Charles Howerton for helping me have the time of my life. And for Charles, I also want to thank Charles for encouraging me to trust my instincts because they are good ones. You'll never know how important it was to hear that.

All in all, the three day shoot provided tons of hope for what may lie ahead and I eagerly await the opportunities to work with these people again- Ben Mattingly, Kip Pastor, Elizabeth Hannah, Jessica Freeborn, Rick Diaz, Tal Lazar, Zach Tabacco, Dylan Matlock, Shannon Dollison, Liz Schroeder, Melissa Krystofiak, Jhil McEntyre, Charles Howerton, Angela Dezeen, Mike McGill, Meredith Kibbee, Paul Bond, Courtney Walker, and Susan Hanfield.

The Wellspring of Truth in the Desert

Empty. Dark. Dry. Barren. Scorching. Scary. THE DESERT. The wide open blankness of the desert can be a terrifying place to find yourself in, especially when you thought you were swimming comfortably in the lap pool of God's house. As time passed from 2007 to 2008, I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself. Then, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, barely recognizing myself for what I have now deemed as my time in the desert.

It all started from an unlikely source, just as it always does. This time, the venue was the Ivanna Chubbuck Studio on Melrose, and the instigator was my amazing acting coach, Rebecca Kitt. Part of what makes the Chubbuck Technique work so well is being willing to look at every area of your life, including the ugliest closets you have kept closed. In working with Rebecca, I allowed myself to really examine the struggles in my life at their root in order to see where they come from. Little did I know that this self-evaluation would truly lead me into the desert, and face the enemy head on.

Just as Jesus was tempted by the Devil when he was wandering in the desert, I found myself listening to the enticing persuasion of the Great Serpent. My mind was at a place of possibly justifying my own personal rebellion and I found myself at a Crossroads in the desert. I could either choose to listen to the counsel of those who are meandering through the desert with no direction, or trust in the counsel of those guided by our Heavenly Father. The beautiful thing about this whole desert experience is that I feel like I am entering my fourth year in Hollywood stronger than the first three. Furthermore, as a believer, I see now that it is okay to struggle. It is okay to wrestle with God. It is okay to ask the tough questions; to look at my life and see why it is I do what I do.

Through a series of "Holy" coincidences, I found myself reading a book on the flight back to Los Angeles entitled, WRESTLING WITH GOD. It was through this book that I really discovered the promise that is found in the struggle. Here are a couple of key passages that stuck out:

"So, the people who are battling their demons or Shadows aren't the ones who make Jesus angry; rather, Jesus is angry with the people who don't acknowledge that they also have the same battle....Religious people who see their own separation from "sinners" make Him furious...To refuse to admit that you have anything to struggle with is evil."

"Jesus had fought with His own Enemy. Jesus had been to the desert. He had looked deep at the things that could keep Him from being who He needed to be."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That is it. I cannot be discouraged by what I discovered about myself in the desert. By looking at even the ugliest parts of who I am, I have seen what it is that could keep me from being who I need to be in Christ.

Remember- When you are in the desert, there is bound to be a wellspring of truth on the other side.