I GOTTA FEELING....

The universe is spinning and throwing my mind, my body, my hopes, my dreams into warp speed. I am not sure where it is taking me, but if I was an astrologist, I would say I believe that the stars are beginning to align for me. I am at a place in my life where I am taking the reigns back and putting myself out there in my relationships, in the dating world, in my acting, in my writing. I am tired of resting on my laurels and staying comfortable. I can't even believe I am quoting Black Eyed Peas, by saying "I gotta feeling....that tonight's gonna be a good night," but I am- in the perspective of this year. For years I have said, "Oh no, I won't get in a relationship until I am settled in my career," but the energy fields are spinning and pushing everything into one nuclear reaction throwing all into orbit at once. In the midst of the chaos of the unknown I am living in, the only source of peace in that nucleus is the joy that I receive in Christ. I choose to trust the promises of the Lord and lay it all out there and give it all back, releasing control. I choose to float into the atmosphere and let it have its' way with me, trusting full well that it will land me on the mountaintop I have dreamed of for so long.

This entire commitment to let go is inspired by the need to refuse to settle. I will not settle in my pursuit for the woman the Lord has set out for me. I will not settle into the isolation of my apartment thus preventing myself from being able to find that one. I will not settle for the status quo when it comes to my diligence in the pursuit of acting. I will not settle for unearned loyalty. I will not settle with the excuses of a weak demo reel, nor inexperience. I choose to take charge and pursue excellence in this pursuit. I will not settle for mediocrity in my writing and therefore, choose to stir the pot to create a masterpiece. I choose to make myself available for love, no matter the fear of being hurt, or being forced to be vulnerable. I choose to commit my ways to the Lord and in all my ways acknowledge Him. I choose to make a difference each day in the lives of the people I interact with. I choose to live for each day, one day at a time, trusting that the sum of my days will add up to the Lord saying to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I just gotta a feeling......

"A lot of things are true, even if they never really happen."

On March 13, I became the Academy Award nominated character, Billy Bibbitt for the first time in the Repertory East Playhouse production of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST. I have to admit that in all my life, this is the most fun I am having as a performer. It is the perfect part for me, at the perfect time in my life. It most assurdly the surest testament to my growth as a performer and I am honored by Director Mikee Schwinn for giving me this opportunity. Ken Kesey's infamous tale has taken me on a eye-opening journey into my own mind to find what it is that I am really afraid of, and what it will take for me to overcome those fears and break through to the other side. As posted in the last blog, why we do what we do, there is something truly magical that takes place when I make my way through the double doors of our psych ward and enter into Nurse Ratched's manipulative playground. Anderson Reid disappears and all that matters is Billy and what he wants, what he needs, and what he hopes. There is nothing else in this life that can even compare to the feeling of having all of those emotions right at my fingertips. And although we don't necessarily perform for the praise of man, it is highly encouraging to find out that your work is being so well-received. It is a sure-fire sign that I am operating right in the midst of where God needs me to be. And although the Chief says "a lot of things are true, even if they never really happen," I am convinced that what happens for those two and half hours on that stage is the most honest work I have ever been a part of------

WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO-

Here I sit on Monday, February 16,2009 having just completed a 9-week run of the classic Broadway tale of West Side Story. Little did I know four months ago what I was getting myself into upon stepping on to the Hudson Mainstage for an audition. What seemed like another measely audition, turned into an opportunity ripe with challenges and obstacles that would only serve to enhance my skills as an actor. From the intense choreographer of Arthur Ross to the precise nature of fight choreography, being a part of MTLA's West Side Story has become one of my proudest moments as an actor. I have done many curtain calls before, but last night as we took our final bows, I knew I had been a part of something truly special. Furthermore, I knew what it meant to be a storyteller.

It was an enormous blessing to work with a cast so perfectly picked and to watch each of us grow as performers. Part of the joy of Live Theatre is that it is always unpredictable. No matter how many times you have rehearsed a project, it is always a fresh show where anything can happen- as there are no reshoots. Perhaps the reason I feel so strongly about this production is because of what it gave back to me. In a last minute pinch, I was thrown into playing the lead of Tony after having virtually no rehearsals. Rather than shying away from the opportunity, the confidence that has been building inside me as an actor rose to the challenge and faced the "gauntlet" head on. It was probably the best thing that could ever happen to me because it forced me to trust my instincts and to trust in my abilities. I didn't have the time, nor the luxury, to worry about what might happen. I am proud to sit here before you today and say that the show went as smooth as could possibly be hoped for considering the circumstances. In fact, when the show ended, I spent the first ten minutes on Hudson Avenue, alone, bent over, exhaling and reminescing on what had just transpired. I thanked my God for granting me the confidence and I let the overflow of emotion pour out of me and onto that street. No one in the audience may ever know what it took to put that show on, but for the 34 of us in the cast, we all worked together, "having each other's backs," which in turn led to a highly emotionally charged show. I will say that although it was fun to be "Tony" for two shows, it was all the more exciting to hop back into my role as "Big Deal" for the final 6 performances.

In reflecting upon the 36 shows I just completed, I realized that it is difficult for people who don't live in this world to understand why it is that we do what we do. To them I say this- As Actors/performers, we are priviliged to have the right to tell stories, to explore those issues that no one else wants to explore, to investigate our own emotions with the hope of our work inspiring hope, or change, or even accountability in the lives of the audience.

When it was all said and done- 3500 audience members, 108 hours of performances, 36 shows, 34 performers, 8 Jets, 2 nights as Tony, all off of 1 audition-----PRICELESS!